Sweet Disposition

Feeling so lost. 

Gotta get back on track. :-/

It was really cool and definitely quite a workout! I’m excited to go back and use my monthly membership.

I think the hardest part for me is the conditioning - I’m not used to doing circuit training much anymore, and push ups are tough for me. I hope I definitely improve over the next month. 

My boyfriend went with me today and it was fun :)

I don’t know why, but I was feeling really sad last night and today. 

All of my energy was spent preparing for the marathon. I poured my heart into training. I spent so much time tending to my leg so that I could make it through and see the finish line. I went to the expo two times and spent almost all day there getting myself excited. 

And then some bastard took that all away and ruined a great day. And now I have nothing left in me, all of the energy has been drained and I am left with nothing but an empty feeling inside of me and heartbreak for other people. 

I am relieved that we have caught this person, but I guess I’m still in a weird state. 

Last night my campus went crazy and there was a huge outdoor mosh pit with music blasting. I was feeling left out, so I went to go check it out. When I got there, I saw everyone having fun and really enjoying themselves. And then I just couldn’t feel that…I couldn’t feel joy or have fun with everyone else. I just felt like I didn’t fit in and there was such a disconnect. 

I know I’m still stressed about getting my thesis finished, and maybe once that is done I’ll feel a little more at ease. I just feel really anxious and on edge, and I know everyone else is probably noticing that and feeling like they don’t want to be around me. 

I really want to enjoy this last month of college…I hope I can. 

Even though I was stopped at 25.5 miles and told to turn around because there were explosions at the finish line. Even though what was supposed to be a day of celebration and tradition turned into devastation and horror. 

I was having a hard time trying to find the words to describe my experience yesterday. There are so many layers of heartbreak to this tragedy. 

The race was tough for me before the tragic events even occurred that afternoon. Due to what I think was a glycogen depletion, I was severely crashing at the half marathon point. When my legs started to get tired at mile 10, I was concerned. When I got to mile 15 and they felt even more like cement blocks, I was even more concerned. My calf wasn’t really bothering me until mile 22 or 23, it was more that my legs felt like they were giving out. My entire body was being drained of energy more than I have ever felt. I felt better last year even though it was 90 degrees. 

I knew I had to at least push myself to BC, so I did. I was so relieved to see my friends cheering me on, I wanted to cry. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it to the end, but I needed to try. Anything past Cleveland Circle was really tough. I felt like I could power walk faster than I could actually run, so I did that every once in a while.  I was getting closer and closer, past the 1 mile sign, approaching 26 when people shouted, “Stop! the race is over!” My heart sunk, I was stunned and confused. I never wanted anything more in my entire life than to see the finish line at that moment. 

My first reaction: “What do you mean the race is over?! NO, I’m almost there!! This can’t be happening!” 

I said, “What happened?”

“A bomb went off at the finish line.”

Then panic set in, because I knew my family was at the finish line waiting for me. We went over to the side of the road and I immediately tried to get in contact with my brother. Thank god I was with someone who had a cell phone. Eventually I found out that everyone was fine and they were not too far from me, but the moments spent waiting to hear from them was terrifying. Turns out they were in the exact spot that the bomb went off, but decided to walk 2 blocks down the road to get something to eat while waiting for me get closer. 

I was so touched by all the people who reached out to me, people that I have not spoken to in years, to make sure I was okay. I am so grateful that I am safe and those that I love and care for are also safe, but I am upset for those who are currently suffering due to these terrible events. 

But I love my city and the people in it. We are strong and nothing will change that. These events will not overshadow the hard work that 27,000 runners have put in over the past few months. Doesn’t matter if we finished or not, NO ONE will take that away from us. 

Please keep Boston in your thoughts and prayers, especially when you go for a run this week. 

If you’re looking to destroy the human spirit, marathoners are the wrong group to target.

Getting a compression sleeve on Friday…

I am so fucked =(

I need some advice on which one might be better to run the marathon with. 

I am seriously considering this because my calf/shin did not feel good today at all only doing 1.6 miles. I think it helped on Sunday that I was wearing tights, so I’m wondering if a compression sleeve or KT Tape would be good to use. 

What is your experience, if any? Which one would you advise doing?

I would really appreciate any advice.