Sweet Disposition

So I made this long post last night but it didn’t fully post, even though I tried it twice. Therefore this one will be even longer…sorry. 

Last night my boyfriend made me dinner, because he’s amazing. :) I didn’t think it was possible to love a single person as much as I love him. <3 I was lucky to be able to spend so much time with him lately and you know what? I can say I’m truly happy. 

Unfortunately my anxiety still produces silly thoughts. Sometimes I worry I will ruin things just by being me. I don’t want that to happen…he means way too much to me. 

Anyway, I wish I took a picture of the dinner…it was delicious and not to mention adorable! I had a couple veggie/turkey burgers, roasted potatoes, homemade guacamole, strawberries and a some of a mango smoothie by Naked. Yum. 

Today I did my 18 miler…this was a rough one. Yesterday I went Marathon Sports to get a new water bottle and GU gels, gummies and jelly beans so that hydrating along the way wouldn’t be a problem (They also gave me a free Luna bar!) I ate a decent breakfast, but was still pretty tired when I got up this morning. Regardless, I was doing pretty well for the first half of it.

Around the 10.5 mi mark as I was going up a big hill my legs started getting heavier and heavier and I started getting more and more upset. I finally had to slow down to a walk which was followed by me hysterically crying. I don’t really know what happened to me…I just got really emotional and then I couldn’t stop sobbing. [Has this ever happened to anyone? I’m confused…] I finally calmed down, grabbed some gatorade and continued to push through. 

I finished all 18 miles, doing a total of about 18.4 in the end. I did 18 in 3 hours and a couple minutes, but I was not happy with this at all. I really was hoping for under 3 hours today…and I know I could have done it.  I’m so frustrated and disappointed in myself that I hit some sort of mental block and it really slowed me down. :(

Oh well, at least I was able to finish all of it. After I had my free Luna bar (such a good flavor, btw), took a short nap and then went to treat myself at one of my favorite places; Paris Creperie. This is an amazing crepe place in Coolidge Corner.

I got a nutella frozen hot chocolate and a Rosemary Chicken crepe (rosemary infused with brie, Chicken, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes, and red onions).

So. damn. good. 

My spring break is over. I don’t want to go back to reality tomorrow - classes, work, etc. This means more anxiety than normal and worrying about stupid things. Hopefully I hear if I got my summer fellowship soon…I would be doing research on eating disorders at the Harris Center at Massachusetts General Hospital. This is a great opportunity and something I would love to have. *crosses fingers*